19 January 2013 - 2:51 p.m.

dear diary,

the tears came that night, when the reality and magnitude of what happened set in.

i was sad for our loss. and i was sad for what that loss might mean. will i be able to get pregnant again? if i do, will the same thing happened? will i ever be able to bring another healthy baby to term?

in the last 48 hours i've been to the other side of the spectrum and back. and the truth is, i want to have another baby.

all my fears. all my doubts. all my questions. i need to silence them so i don't detour from what i want.

i know it's not all in my control though. please god, please, let this be for me.

love,

cali

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