20 June 2013 - 8:25 p.m.

dear dairy,

oh, how i have missed thee! as you may have noticed, i don't come around much anymore. ya know, between a kid, a job, and a computer i share with my husband, i just can't get here much. but i'm here now. and this is what's up....

my baby girl is now 3.5 years old. since she was born, the hubby and i have practically killed ourselves (and each other) trying to do it all. no babysitters or daycare centers for our kid. nope. we've both continued working our 40+ hours/weeks - him working from home two days a week, and me working from home the other three. talk about juggling.

we've finally decided that it is time for baby girl to go to preschool, mostly because she needs to be around some other kids. she'll probably learn a thing or two, too, but our girl is already so, so smart. and funny. and sometimes a royal pain in the ass. but what 3.5 year old isn't that sometimes?

she starts preschool on july 1. i think she'll be fine. i, on the other hand, am already struggling with this. leaving her in the care of others three hours a day for three days a week is just the beginning of losing her. the great divide will only get wider over time.

god help me.

in other news, i was lucky enough to get pregnant (by accident, again, because that's how i roll) in december. in january, at 9 weeks along, i happily went to see my OB (which was so different than the first time i was pregnant), only to learn that the little thing inside only measured 6 weeks 4 days.

a missed miscarriage...

after 10 horrible days of waiting for a natural miscarriage, i finally went in for a d&c. i'm so glad i took that route. i read a lot of horrible stories about natural miscarriages.

for the most part, i was ok with what happened. after all, a miscarriage is nature's way of telling you something wasn't right. and the good news is i'm still fertile at 40! (well, i was 39 then, but close enough.)

but there are times when i get teary-eyed about it. like, when i think right now i'd be 7 months pregnant. or like yesterday, when hubby was telling me a story about our girl at the park, and older kids who didn't want to play with her. and how if she had a sibling, she'd always have a playmate. and we both feel bad sometimes that she is an only child.

who knows...i will try to not get pregnant and maybe it will happen again. i hope so.

next week i am going to quit my job. i've struggled with this decision for some time, and lately, it seems like all the stars have aligned. it's the right time. i'm going to try my hand at consulting.

you can't win if you don't play, right?

love you, diary.

cali

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have you read these?

down
10 January 2019

have i lost you, diary?
08 December 2016

oh, and it's a boy.
09 January 2015

old mom
20 August 2014

break-up
21 October 2013