24 April 2009 - 6:15 p.m.

dear diary,

so, i dunno.

we are still living in denial.

the unopened first response pregnancy test is now buried deep in a bathroom drawer (hidden because my sister came over on monday and i didn't want her to snoop around and get any ideas.)

we leave for europe on sunday. i think not having a definite answer is somehow comforting. because once i take the test and it says "yes, you are preggers" (which i assume it will say), everything changes. not that it's a bad thing...just one thing at a time, and at this time italy and france are on the mind.

if i am indeed pregnant, i guess i'm one month so. by the time we get back from our trip, i'll be six weeks so.

this morning i woke up with a full bladder, a tummy ache and a feeling of nausea. i'm really not sure what's "real" and what's psychosomatic.

what i do know is that i've seemed to gone up in pants size which is strange considering i've been working out and actually thought i was getting smaller. but i don't think this has anything to do with pregnancy. i mean, would i really be getting bigger this early on?

then there's my other thought. what if i'm not pregnant?

then...what's wrong with me?

i've read about hypothyroidism, and how an under-active thyroid can make your period stop. i've read about all the other symptoms, and honestly, i could have that problem, which might explain why i've "dried up."

i will tell you this. i've had my period regularly for 25+ years, and to have missed it just once is the strangest feeling ever. i mean, something just feels so wrong and off and incomplete.

i miss my period! (i never thought i would say that.)

cali

previous - next

have you read these?

i guess i should be a little excited?
11 June 2009

pins and needles
10 June 2009

the entry where i become "that girl" i'm normally not
28 May 2009

i love my doggy
19 May 2009

wear a condom!
16 May 2009