16 May 2009 - 8:30 p.m.

dear diary,

europe came. and went.

it was a hard trip. i found myself feeling sick much of the time.

i didn't take the pregnancy test before we left. i didn't even take it immediately when we got back.

denial is a terrible thing.

i took the test this morning, when the boyfriend was still in bed.

according to the directions on the package, after peeing on the stick for 5 seconds, it takes 3 minutes to get the results...

...more like 10 seconds.

my suspicions have been confirmed (at least, if that test is accurate).

two pink lines.

i'm pregnant.

after i took the test i went back into the bedroom, crawled into bed laying against the boyfriend and announced that i had taken the test. through the darkness, i could see boyfriend's eyes on me, feeling his anxiety. "and," he said.

when i told him the results, he was quiet. then he hugged me and told me he loved me - he really loved me - and he would take care of me.

it was a weird moment. not what i'd imagined that moment would be like. but then again, i never imagined that moment would include me being unwed, unemployed, and dealing with an unplanned pregnancy.

i didn't cry. i was actually pretty calm. numb, really. but the more i thought, and continue to think about it, the more i believe that this pregnancy - this baby - is a blessing. i mean, i am 36 years old - 36 years old. time is of the essence, right?

i've got to schedule an appointment with a doctor asap, which is another "issue".

first, i don't have one - an ob/gyn. (i know, i am a poor excuse for a woman.)

second, i'm on COBRA until the end of the month, then i switch over to being the boyfriend's "domestic partner" under his medical plan. i'm worried that if i go to the doctor this month, then try to use my new insurance next month, the new insurance will deny me because the pregnancy is a "pre-existing condition." i've tried to research this, but my research only drew inconclusive information. does anyone know how all that works?

worst case, i'll have to wait til june to see the doctor, which i think will put me at 12 weeks...

man, i still can't believe i have our love spawn growing inside me....

even though most of my friends have been down this road (some twice already!), this pregnancy/baby thing is a whole new world for me. (yes, i admit, i ignored many of the "mommy conversations" my friends had with each other while in my presence.)

all i know is that we aren't telling anyone about this until we know that everything is on track (healthy pregnancy). and, i would like to have some wedding plan in place to announce as well. oh, and finding a job would be nice, too.

man, it's weird how your life can change just like that.

wear a condom!

cali

previous - next

have you read these?

our baby is going to be a sagittarius
12 June 2009

i guess i should be a little excited?
11 June 2009

pins and needles
10 June 2009

the entry where i become "that girl" i'm normally not
28 May 2009

i love my doggy
19 May 2009