11 August 2007 - 11:17 a.m.

dear diary,

so i went out with the guy from match.com who i wasn't really excited about. and i had a great time. and he had a great time. i know this because after i got home from our date and got ready for bed, i checked my email. and he had already sent me an email thanking me for my company, and that he had a "great time" and that he'd talk to me soon.

that was over two weeks ago.

he has not called or emailed since.

a week after not hearing from him, i decided to send him an email to wish him good luck on a bike ride he had mentioned he'd be doing that weekend.

he never responded.

i just don't get it! if he wasn't interested, then fine. but then why did he send that email after our date?

i guess he's just not interested. or in a coma and unable to contact me.

whatever...

the other guy - the rock star - well, i had a second phone conversation with him, and needless to say, he is a complete and total tool. i have absolutely no desire to meet him. i have not told him this, and just hoped to "disappear", but he is relentless...

i know i haven't been doing it long or much, but i am so fucking tired of this dating bullshit.

i am jaded. i am never going to meet anyone. i am going to be alone forever.

what's wrong with me?

in other news, i recently learned that my uncle (my mom's brother) in europe has cancer of the esophagus. my mom seems to be in denial. when i asked her if she was going to go visit him she said no, she didn't want to fly.

i'm going to europe for vacation in october. i had planned to visit my uncle. in light of this recent news about my uncle's health, i invited my mom to come along with me on the trip. she might, and i want her to, but this means my vacation will turn into something different than what i originally planned.

i guess i have about six or seven weeks to figure it all out.

i have been in a shitty mood lately. i've been eating like crap, struggling to stick to my exercise plan, and feeling very, very alone. i feel like i did a good job of getting "off the roller coaster" within the last year, but lately, i feel like i have just strapped myself in for another ride.

i don't want to go for another ride...

i've been running most of my adult life. i just want to stand still for awhile. and i just want to find someone who wants to stand still with me.

cali

previous - next

have you read these?

choosing to be tigger, not eeyore
28 October 2007

one
21 October 2007

let it lie
19 October 2007

i want him
18 October 2007

paris 101
04 October 2007