02 July 2007 - 10:51 p.m.

dear diary,

i am so tired of all my friends viewing me as the "strong, independent woman who doesn't need a man."

where the fuck did they all get that idea?

i mentioned to my best friend that this weekend was tough and the recent boy situation put me in a funk.

when she asked me to tell her some of the things i was thinking or feeling i told her:

i really liked him as a person. i thought we were friends, and i thought that at a minimum, we'd remain friends. i liked hanging out with him...and it was nice that he lives only 5 minutes away.

i feel like i was punk'd. especially after last saturday night. i really don't understand why he instigated physical stuff that night if he didn't want it. (and he definitely instigated and "led" everything that night.)

i feel like he threw me away like a piece of trash. i am mad and hurt and sad. that's all....

she came back to me with a whole lot of psycho-babble, but mostly with crap like:

as a strong woman, you are going to learn from it and move on.

men don't make decisions for you- you make your own decisions.

we see you for the strong woman you are.

i know she meant well, but i felt like she was disregarding the feelings i am feeling.

and i am so fucking tired of everyone being a "relationship expert" because they are in one. believe me, from what i know/hear about other peoples' relationships, most people should just keep their mouths shut...

so, in a very nice way, i responded to her to tell her to shut the fuck up! (of course, in more words, in a more friendly tone.)

i know that a lot of what you said is correct...and i know i have grown up to be a very, strong independent woman. but just like everyone else, i need my own "soft place to land" (that's dr. phil talk there.) even strong women need a place (person) where they can let down their walls and...exhale, so to speak. i know he wasn't the one...i'm just disappointed. i know i haven't been "out there" long but i feel like charlotte (SATC reference) "i've been dating since i was 15...where is he???!!!" (then i drop my head to the table.) i am tired of being strong all the time.

i'm a bit better today, though it is his birthday and that gives me one more thing to fixate on. i just need to go through the motions (and emotions). i'll be ok.

thanks for trying to psycho-analyze me. :)

she got the picture.

in other news, the ceo of my company gave me a high-five this afternoon because i completed a project that "wasn't part of my job" and i did it well (so he says...i'm not so sure), and it could result in bringing in some major revenue to my company. he also wanted to bring me out for drink, but alas, i had to pick up the doggy from daycare. and then the gym, which by the way, i realized is a very good place to be when angry and sex-deprived. i had an awesome workout and played eye-flirty games with a very handsome young man on the bike...

yea, i still got it...

cali

previous - next

have you read these?

choosing to be tigger, not eeyore
28 October 2007

one
21 October 2007

let it lie
19 October 2007

i want him
18 October 2007

paris 101
04 October 2007