22 January 2009 - 2:53 p.m.

dear diary,

i'm supposed to be cleaning out my closets to make space for my new "roomie" (the boyfriend, who is moving in over the next few weeks.)

cleaning out closets is such a slow and painful process for me. i've seemed to stuff everything (and i mean every-thing) from my past away and piled up years of memories (good and bad) in boxes which are crammed into my three large closets (all in my bedroom....yes, my place has some kick-ass storage...i mean, closet space).

i've already shredded years of long-distance correspondence between my ex-fiance and me. (this was before email, so i had stacks and stacks of letters - still in their envelopes - to shred.)

with the letters i found some old pics of him and me...and oh, my lord...why in the world did i think i was FAT when i was 19, 20, 21, etc.? i don't remember ever being that thin...all i remember was thinking - obsessing over - my fat body. god, what i wouldn't give to look like that now...

i should have cleaned everything out years ago. now, everywhere i look, there are things which need to be gone through, thrown out or packed away. i feel completely and totally overwhelmed.

i know it will be a huge relief when everything is clean and clear and in order, but right now, all i want to do is run away from the mess! but then again, maybe that's what got me here in the first place...

cali

previous - next

have you read these?

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